Daddy

After being childhood sweethearts and married for 12 years, my parents split up when I was 5...

After he started dying just a few hrs. before Lynn's wake (which he'd insisted on being at, even though he'd be on a stretcher with oxygen), I had to rush from the funeral parlor which we'd only been at for 5 min., viewing Lynn's body for the ceremonies to come, to have my Dad rushed to the hospital due to non-stop seizures his nurse called me to say he'd been having for 20 min. When I left him in the emergency room to rush home and get changed for the wake, I thought he was just snoring because they'd got him under control. I found out two days later, hours before he did die, that he was actually doing then what's called "the dead man's snore (named for a sign of death)." Daddy died of liver cancer on Oct. 22nd, the day after my sister's funeral, at age 68. following is an excerpt from my father's funeral program:

Dallas later moved to Newark, New Jersey where he married his childhood sweetheart Carolyn Simpson Whitley in 1961. Together, the two became a happy family of four with the addition of their daughters the late Lynn Chante Whitley and Deanna Joy Whitley. Dallas was a nurturing and supportive young father who had abundant love for his children. He and his ex-wife Carolyn maintained that together they combined the best of themselves- strength, compassion, creativity, intelligence- when they had their beloved daughters Lynn and Joy.

As a young enterprising entrepreneur, Dallas owned four barber shops before working in other shops across New Jersey. His clients in the shop he owned across the street from his Atlantic City location included notable entertainers such as Marvin Gaye, Sammy Davis Jr., Diana Ross and her group, the Supremes, Joe Tex, and Smokey Robinson. He and Marvin became close friends and Dallas would have traveled on the tour with this famous star had he not been expecting the birth of his youngest daughter, Joy. In the company of such great entertainers, Dallas was also a talented artist who loved to write poetry, sing and play the harmonica. He was a learned man, a great conversationalist, and avid reader who had a special interest in Black History. His photographic memory gave him a keen recall of historical, statistical and geographic facts. He loved mysteries, especially the James Bond series. Dallas will always be known for his comedic wit and ravenous appetite with a penchant for sweets.

Yes; that was my Dad. I wish I had some of his artwork or music to share here which I have such fond memories of, but I haven't seen any of the former since I was young and I haven't been able to find the tape with his harmonica music since before he and Lynn asked to hear it during their last year. I can always find some things until I most need them. If or when I find these, you'll know it via podcast addition! By the way, guess what one of the Christmas gifts I gave myself this year was? A harmonica!

One of my father's closest cousins, who he was partially raised with, was Margie. They developed such a bond that people thought they were siblings. When he passed, Margie called me to come get a couple of hundred dollars to help with his burial. When I called her a couple days later to say I was stopping by to get it and come see her, I discovered later that she hadn't answered because she'd been rushed to the hospital for complications to her own chronic health issues with diabetes. Just as my father was about to be lowered into the ground during his funeral, a cousin's cell phone rang. When she checked to see who'd called her right afterwards, the next thing I knew, most family members went rushing from my father's repasse at the church, to Margie's hospital room. The call had come from the hospital to inform my cousin that Margie had just passed. She was buried right next to my father in our church cemetary; on the other side of my father is my nana, who'd passed just 8 months before them & my sister Lynn.

One of Margie's daughters and I who lives in Maryland, developed a close bond after that. One of Margie's sons, a doctor in Atlanta, announced at her funeral,(the 3rd Saturday in a row that month--after Lynn and Daddy), that he was starting a college scholarship in her name for the children of our hometown. My mother is now the manager of that scholarship fund. Margie's funeral program is in the photo next to those of my father and grandmother above.